To Michael Jordan, On His Biley-First Birthday

Share |

Everybody popping corks on Friday, February 17. Larry the Cable Guy and the ghost of Yasser Arafat (at the same table!) and Neil Lomax and yours truly and the Shredded Husky Cut Denim With The Smartphone Holster Don Right There On The Belt Loop Like WHUH himself, Michael Jordan. Here's (proposing a $175,000 prop bet) to you, man!

Someday, we'll do a Jordan Week or Jordan Month or something here, and we can all work on exorcising or explicating our very important feelings for and about the greatest basketball player of his generation, and our feelings about what a spectacular sour patch turd of a human being he has revealed himself to be in post-playing days. Shoals and I are already on the record, here and at New York Magazine, respectively, with regard to his role in the lockout, and surely there are some Bobcats fans out there with something to say about his management strategies.

But we'll get to that, if and when we ever get to that. For now, it's a day to celebrate a guy who was so good at basketball that it turned him into someone who was just terrible at being a decent or even functional human being. Which means that it's a fine day to revisit Joey Litman's classic exercise in speculative memoir "My Best Worst Friend," from Free Darko:

"I got through my email, I got some paperwork in order, I moved on to other administrivia, and suddenly it was 11:15. I got up for a cup of water and some small talk with a few office friends. As we were chatting, my right pant pocket started vibrating, so I reached in, pulled out my phone, and hit the talk button without really considering the caller ID.

"Is this that flaming f***ot Joey?" a baritone grumbled through the phone. "You there, you punk bitch?" I don't like the f-word, and I don't like being called a "punk bitch," but I couldn't stifle my smile because nothing had changed: Michael was on the phone. I excused myself from the conversation with my colleagues, and I ducked into a vacant conference room...

I hadn't really said anything since answering the phone because Michael just kept going. "That's right, motherfucker, I'm in town, I'm heading to the gym later, and I'm looking to whoop someone's ass. You know you owe me one. You know it, bitch. So get your shit, leave that cute little job of yours for a few hours, and come meet me at the gym."

Read on to learn more about Joey Litman's game of H.O.R.S.E. with the greatest, saddest basketball player of all time. Happy birthday, everyone!

Share |


The post is written in very a good manner and it contains many useful information for me.

Nice to read your article! I am looking forward to sharing your adventures and experiences.

thanks for the tips and information..i really appreciate it.. best Denver SEO services

I seriously get pleasure from just looking at your websites.

From check on your blog, you've gotten previously had a relatively good feel by means of making. free movie websites

That may perform short-term, nevertheless it’s not just a useful long-term solution regarding males who would like to become with this particular 1 distinctive lady these folks can’t quit thinking about. Jual Laptop Gaming

Superbly written article, if only all bloggers offered the same content as you, the internet would be a far better place.. bodegas en renta cancun

What we realized can be appropriate, recognize you must separate your connect involving active tangible along with brand-new. You have to be mindful if you take care of your tangible with the partitions, since in any other case you will find there's possibility to separate. It usually is greater to have the support associated with an pro. online marketing consultant

Verifying almost any blog site could make some others simply just wish to think of more. Used to do an amazing i always was initially splendid information by using. The software program possibly done with the collection however it’s remarkable. When i typically dispatch people. ryan bilodeau

I can set up my new idea from this post. It gives in depth information. Thanks for this valuable information for all,.. calendario menstrual

I am continually amazed by the amount of information available on this subject. What you presented was well researched and well worded in order to get your stand on this across to all your readers. Versace 19.69

Reviewing every site will make some just simply really want to produce a lot more. I did so a great we was charming subject material via. Software program most probably made for any rate continue to it’s fantastic. I actually normally dispatch you actually.

The job you need to do is extremely very easily shown inside your blogs; you're a genuine expert. I'd like to include an additional website towards the suggested types a person discussed a week ago. Request your own visitors to look at world wide web. watch series online

That’s a nice site you people are carrying out there.