What's Eating Roger Goodell

Whatever Super Bowl Sunday brings us, Krewe du Vieux's float of a giant vagina eating Roger Goodell has already given us the most enduring, and maybe most appropriate, image for Super Bowl XLV.
Share |

Gunner Guidry, the co-captain of subkrewe Inane of Krewe du Vieux, asked that whatever I write about the float that he and his fellow crewmembers made—a float-size rendering of lurid, livid, vaguely Little Shop of Horrors-ian vagina that was devouring a very unhappy looking papier-mache rendering of NFL commissioner Roger Goodell—make mention of Krewe du Vieux's mission statement.

Which mission statement reads: "The Krewe du Vieux is a nonprofit organization dedicated to the historical and traditional concept of a Mardi Gras parade as a venue for individual creative expression and satirical comment." So there is that, and then there is that predatory pudenda with the sport's powerful commissioner defeated in its… what, jaws? Aperture? And where those two collide—a long history and tradition of irreverence on one side, Roger Goodell on the other—there is what's almost certain to be the most memorable image of Super Bowl XLV.

It helps, of course, that the float is both hideous and wonderfully ornate—Mike Alltmont, an Inane krewemember who worked on the float with his wife and fellow krewemember Ava, pointed out that the giant vagina has "a lovely disco ball clitoris." This sort of thing—that is, jokes in blithely ribald bad taste, done with artisinal attachment to detail—is what Krewe du Vieux does. They did it somewhat earlier than usual this year, as the Super Bowl moved up Krewe du Vieux's parade and occasioned the Krewe's chosen theme, "Krewe du Vieux Comes Early," but it's what they always do. In the New Orleans Times-Picayune's review of the Krewe du Vieux parade, Doug MacCash notes that the Krewe "aims for eyebrow-raising, low-brow amusement and often hits the mark." Guidry was slightly more specific: "Through the years [Krewe du Vieux] has morphed itself into an adult parade and every so often genitalia seems to be sculpted." Alltmont was even more so: "There are a lot boobs, butts, cocks, balls, and vajayjays in Krewe du Vieux; we have sub-krewes named L.E.W.D., C.R.U.D.E., sPANK, and the Mystic Krewe of Spermes after all. That said, they are not always swallowing public figures."

The reason this particular genital item is eating this particular public figure has to do with with Goodell's harsh, extrajudicial and since-overturned suspensions of various former Saints after it was revealed that one of the NFL's worst defenses was also one of its most worst, with players hunting bounties for defective Cobra Kai godfather and defensive coordinator Gregg Williams. That Goodell decided to play his authoritarian card during a season in which New Orleans was hosting the Super Bowl certainly did a lot to put his stressed-looking effigy inside that giant vagina, but is finally a matter of timing. Things did come together especially fortuitously in this case—the Super Bowl's Roman numerals inspired Krewe du Vieux's "Super Hole XLVag" concept, for instance. But even if the Super Bowl had been somewhere else, Guidry and Alltmont gave the impression that, one way or another, Goodell was going to wind up inside that vagina, or in a similar situation, if indeed any similar situation can be said to exist. An early concept, Alltmont relates, was a ten-foot Saints fleur de lis with "an extra-pointy bottom tip staked in Goodell's ass." That was eventually judged untenable; the "fire-breathing scary clown we have at our fundraiser" was not available to further augment Krewe du Vieux's float due to a scheduling conflict.

And yet this still seems something like the right float at the right time, and not only because, as Guidry says, "If you ask just about anyone on the streets of New Orleans, 'Would you like to watch the demise of Roger Goodell by a giant man-eating vagina?' Their answers would be 'yes.'" There is that, of course, but there's also everything else.

Goodell, in a way that even David Stern has barely dared, has tried to bring lockstep brand-managed predictability to the NFL. From the perspective that Goodell and the league's owners—at whose pleasure and as whose proxy Goodell serves—this is a fine idea; they view the league as a profitable business, and quite logically want to extract more profits for themselves from it. And so the owners locked out players, and then locked out officials, in search of maximizing profits on the labor side of the equation; so the league continues to hunt for leverage and explore synergies and hone its own wholly false brand truths, and generally behave with the not-quite-human but extremely self-conscious rapacity of any other corporation. The entire sport is now more or less a disaster area, strewn with the human wreckage that the game makes; it is also hugely profitable, increasingly popular, and arguably more entertaining to watch than it has been at any time in the past. It's a gold mine and a Superfund site at once. In short, a strange place.

There are various different ways that Goodell and the NFL's elite could confront this reality, and shape a future—thousands of looming litigants, fading into the damage the sport inflicts; lawsuits that could humble and conceivably bankrupt even this hugely profitable league—that's marginally less bleak. This can be done, and should be done—the NFL, for all its issues, is great to watch, and would be great to watch even if more serious and less cosmetic measures were taken to protect the players who are both the league's labor and its product, both on the field and after. None of these things are easy, none of them are perfect, and none of them will fully mitigate the violence that's not so much intertwined with football's appeal as intrinsic and inherent to it. But Goodell and the NFL are not doing any of those things, not really. The NFL's owners are getting while the getting is there to get; Goodell is managing that project for them. For the moment, at least in the most basic of bottom-line senses, it's working, although we can't yet know whether the NFL is growing into another stage of rude strength or merely bloating with sickness.

This Super Bowl will not be about that. It will be about what other recent Super Bowls have been about, which is a sort of dimly understood and loudly expressed and increasingly queasy sort of community—a thing we all do together, and feel increasingly strange about doing at all. The NFL is being devoured, if not by anything quite as picturesque or amusing/horrifying to look at as a giant papier-mache vagina. No wonder that effigy looks so fucking unhappy. That's the face of someone who knows what's coming, maybe not too soon, but soon enough.


Share |

Comments

I as of late went over your website and have been perusing along. I thought I would leave my first remark. I don't comprehend what to say aside from that I have delighted in perusing. Decent blog, I will continue going to this online journal frequently. kate meckler

I have got to know that everyone has a different style to write this article, but I must state your article sounds excellent. Marketing Automation Consulting

I was perusing your article and thought about whether you had considered making a digital book on this subject. You're composing would offer it quick. You have a great deal of composing ability. Dancers

A debt of gratitude is in order for your post. I've been contemplating composing an extremely tantamount post in the course of the last couple of weeks, I'll most likely keep it straightforward and connection to this rather if thats cool. Much obliged. Exotic Dancers

I added it to my top choices web journal webpage list and will be inquiring soon. If you don't mind look at my site too and let me realize what you think Lavish Limousines Perth

I just found this blog and have high hopes for it to continue. Keep up the great work. its hard to find good ones. I have added to my favorites. Thank You MPT Corporate Events

I just like the valuable info you provide for your articles.I’ll bookmark your weblog and take a look at once more right here regularly.Werken in Marokko

Thanks for sharing this information. I really like your blog post very much. You have really shared a informative and interesting blog post with people..

poker online indonesia

When the rasterbation is completed, you have the option to automatically open the produced image file. Loralee Argueta

This means that you will have an unlimited music library that you can use to create your own karaoke video and music tracks at your own pleasure. . aluminum garage door

I just like the valuable info you provide for your articles.I’ll bookmark your weblog and take a look at once more right here regularly. I am reasonably certain I’ll learn a lot of new stuff proper here Popular Movies - Movie25

Superb information As i found possessing which course of action generally exciting. Many of us legit the particular undertake in addition to
check this out

I would like to thank you for the efforts you have made in writing this article. I am hoping the same best work from you in the future as well..
0800 call forwarding

Easily, the article is actually the best topic on this registry related issue. I fit in with your conclusions and will eagerly look forward to your next updates.

DNS Server error

Would you like to watch the demise of Roger Goodell by a giant man-eating vagina?' Their answers would be 'yes.'" There is that, of course, but there's also everything else.
clash of clans mod |
free chaturbate

I simply want to tell you that I am new to weblog and definitely liked this blog site. Very likely I’m going to bookmark your blog . You absolutely have wonderful stories. Cheers for sharing with us your blog.

essay for college

Sherrill sorted out the amount of meat we needed, which was about three-fourths of a pound. Then he mixed in the seasonings to give it flavor and used a patty masher to help. After cooking the meat he added two slices of cheese and the bread and finished the recipe as if he was making a grilled cheese sandwich.beirut escort

Thank You". For many reason I did understand you had made a remark. While in the meantime, I hope you have tried out several of my matcha tee

We are proud of our rich collection of gemstone jewelry for both women and men. For jewelry production we use only genuine gems such as sapphires, emeralds, rubies, tourmalines, pearls, amethysts, peridots, aquamarines, citrines, garnets, alexandrites, opals, onyx and some others.gemstone jewelry

At Spa Samira Laser Clinic, our number one priority is customer satisfaction. Highly experienced staff, certified aestheticians, and competitive prices are among reasons why our clients choose us. With services ranging from facial peels and waxes, to laser treatments and permanent hair reduction,sg investigations

Great post full of useful tips! My site is fairly new and I am also having a hard time getting my readers to leave comments. Analytics shows they are coming to the site but I have a feeling “nobody wants to be first”.
Facetime free

Great post full of useful tips! My site is fairly new and I am also having a hard time getting my readers to leave comments. Analytics shows they are coming to the site but I have a feeling “nobody wants to be first”.
Facetime free

This is the reason why women find it more difficult to lose fat than men, anything else being equal, like calories and exercise. novoline online spielen

This is very interesting content! I have thoroughly enjoyed reading your points and have come to the conclusion that you are right about many of them. You are great free 0800 calls from mobile

Thank you again for all the knowledge you distribute,Good post. I was very interested in the article, it's quite inspiring I should admit. I like visiting you site since I always come across interesting articles like this one.Great Job, I greatly appreciate that.Do Keep sharing! Regards,

my review here

I discovered this is a useful and intriguing post so i suspect as much it is exceptionally valuable and proficient. I might want to thank you for the endeavors you have made in composing this article. visit this URL

It can an excellent content articles and it's really very helpful for me personally. I discovered therefore various interesting products in your site especially. Its great article really free 0800 calls from mobile

Thank you for taking the time to publish this information very useful! I've been looking for books of this nature for a way too long. I'm just glad that I found yours.
Magician London

That gives off an impression of being amazing anyway i am still not very beyond any doubt that I like it. At any rate will look much more into it and choose by and by! matcha tee

Thank you for taking the time to publish this information very useful! I've been looking for books of this nature for a way too long. I'm just glad that I found yours. Looking forward for your next post. source

Hello, I discover perusing this article a delight. It is to a great degree accommodating and intriguing and all that much anticipating perusing a greater amount of your work.. greenville seo

You have a decent point here!I absolutely concur with what you have said!!Thanks for sharing your views...hope more individuals will read this article!
escorts lebanon

Thanks for sharing nice information with us. i like your post and all you share with us is uptodate and quite informative, i would like to bookmark the page so i can come here again to read you, as you have done a wonderful job Top Insurance Companies

Thanks for sharing nice information with us. i like your post and all you share with us is uptodate and quite informative, i would like to bookmark the page so i can come here again to read you, as you have done a wonderful job Top Insurance Companies

I'm happy to see the considerable point of interest here!. DWI law

I enjoyed reading your articles. This is truly a great read for me. I have bookmarked it and I am looking forward to reading new articles. overseas private investigators

Nice blog and absolutely outstanding. You can do something much better but i still say this perfect.Keep trying for the best. sg investigator

It proved to be very helpful to me and I am sure to all the commenters here! It’s always nice when you can not only be informed, but also entertained! explainer video los angeles

Good composed article. It will be steady to any individual who uses it, including me. Continue doing what you are doing – cantr hold up to peruse more posts catch cheat wife

This means that you will have an unlimited music library that you can use to create your own karaoke video הסעות מלוטון ללונדון
and music tracks at your own pleasure.

I have feel that this blog is really have all those quality that qualify a blog to be a one הסעות מלוטון ללונדון

Our precision equipment carefully removes your hair while keeping your skin soft and glowing. We specialize in laser hair removal, facials and microdermabrasion.How to start Forex Trading in Nigeria

I definitely enjoying every little bit of it. It is a great website and nice share. I want to thank you. Good job! You guys do a great blog, and have some great contents. Keep up the good work overseas private detectives

Thumbs up guys your doing a truly terrific job. Van hire north london

people of this country to emerge from the shadows of indifference, apathy, cynicism, fear, and those other dark places that we migrate to when we are overwhelmed by frustration and the loss of hope
lebanon escorts

Excellent and decent post. I found this much informative. I'm impressed by the details that you have on this web site. Thank you for this post Click Here

Sometimes it may take me a few days, but if you put "Diabetes Destroyer System Question" in the title of your email, it will help me find it and respond quicker. animation services in los angeles

This means that you will have an unlimited music library that you can use to create your own karaoke video and music tracks at your own pleasure. Get Your Voice today and tap into that hidden talent for amazing results! packers and movers pune rates

It will help you provide insight and challenge how you coach to make you a better you. This then impacts on your environment and performers to improve performance

granite palm city florida

Hi there, I discovered your blog per Google bit searching for such kinda educational advise moreover your inform beholds very remarkable for me. baroque plastic cutlery